For people who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer, being treated badly because of your gender can be an everyday reality. You probably know people—maybe including yourself—who’ve had to put up with a lot of bad stuff.

The purpose of this article is to describe what harassment usually looks like for you, how it shows up in the workplace, and what you can do to protect yourself.

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Why people who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer face more harassment at work

People who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer don’t have universally bad experiences at work. Many have supportive colleagues, or at least neutral ones who aren’t making things difficult on purpose. Some bosses genuinely want to get things right, and some workplaces are truly affirming.

That said, the numbers confirm what most of us instinctively know: People who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer face more workplace harassment than any other group.

That’s because some people believe that trans, nonbinary, and gender-queer people either don’t exist or shouldn’t exist, and many feel entitled to act on those beliefs.

There’s also a timing issue that makes things worse. In Canada, the average age for a gender transition is getting younger, but it’s currently about 31. That means that most people who transition today are doing it on the job—and transition is a time when, for a lot of people, harassment tends to spike.

People who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer may also face barriers that make it harder to walk away from bad workplaces. They may be estranged from their families or have a hard time keeping their housing. On average they make less money than other people, and they are more likely to work in industries with bad job security, high turnover, or minimal or absent HR.

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What sexual harassment looks like at work for people who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer

People who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer can experience two types of sexual harassment: desire-based and hostility-based.

Hostility-based harassment is when someone makes it their mission to let you know you don’t belong. That could mean misgendering you on purpose, “forgetting” your pronouns, subjecting you to jokes or pranks, asking you invasive questions and demanding you justify yourself, trying to force you to change your behaviour to fit what they think is correct for you, or icing you out socially. The purpose is to make you feel bad, make you behave differently, or push you out of that workplace entirely.

That’s different from desire-based harassment.

Desire-based harassment is when someone treats you as an object of curiosity, fetishizes you, or assumes that you are hypersexual and available to them sexually. It’s people assuming they can behave intimately with you even though you’re just co-workers, or people who just won’t stop asking you highly personal questions.

You are more likely than other people to be harassed by a group instead of just one person. Or one person may harass you in front of a group. You are more likely to be harassed by co-workers or customers, rather than by your boss. Your boss may tolerate the harassment, or participate in it, or they may not know about it, or know about it and think it doesn’t matter.

Here’s what it can look like in practice:

Identity invalidation and policing

• People may deliberately deadname or misgender you.
• They may tell you how they think you should dress or behave.
• They may say your gender is too confusing to understand.
• Your company may use dress codes as a way to force gender conformity under the guise of professionalism.
• People may criticize you for “bringing politics into work” just by existing.

Sexualization, intrusion, and boundary violations

• People may assume you’re hypersexual and eager to talk about sex. They may pepper you with sex jokes and innuendo and assume you’ll be fine with it, send you porn, and/or seek you out to talk about sex.
• They may treat you like you’re sexually available to them or are a sex worker (especially if you’re a trans woman).
• They may fixate on you and stalk you online.
• They may act as though your presence is inappropriately sexualizing the workplace.
• They may ask you invasive and detailed questions about your sex life, your body, or medical care.
• Your company may (accidentally or on purpose) leak your sensitive medical or health information to your co-workers.

Professional undermining and biased evaluation

• People may assume you’re incompetent and require you to prove your skills again and again.
• They may criticize your work even when your performance is better than other people’s.
• They may assume you’re less committed to your work than other people.
• Supervisors may give you weird feedback that’s clearly rooted in bias. “Clients just aren’t feeling confident with you.” “You’re missing the gravitas we need for this role.” “You always want the spotlight, and I just need you to do your job.”
• Your bosses may accept co-worker discomfort with you as though it reflects an actual professional deficiency. “People don’t think you’re ready.” “The team just doesn’t trust you.” “I’ve gotten a lot of complaints about you.”
• Your bosses may use other people’s discomfort as a justification to reprimand, demote, move, or reassign you.

Social exclusion, gossip, and hostility

• People may joke, gossip, or lie about you.
• They may ice you out socially.
• They may openly express frustration at having to work with you.
• They may post cartoons or jokes about you.
• They may try to stop you from using the right bathroom or other gendered spaces. They may put up signage telling you which gendered spaces to use.
• They may subtly or overtly question your mental stability, framing you as “volatile” or “unreliable” or “needing help.”
• If you withdraw because of repeated harassment, you may start to get labelled as unhappy, unpleasant, or difficult. If you challenge harassment, you may be labelled as angry, too emotional, or a drama magnet.

Denial of resources and opportunities

• People may withhold important work information from you.
• They may not give you as many work opportunities as other people get.
• You may get excluded from informal training or learning opportunities.
• You may get less mentorship and sponsorship than other people.
• Your company may cut you off from external-facing work.
• You may be excluded from professional associations, industry events, or networking spaces.
• Your company may cut you off from work-related travel, especially if gender makes travel complicated for you.

Suspicion, surveillance, and overenforcement

• People may conflate gender nonnormativity with deviance or criminality, making them suspicious of you. They may behave as though you’re dirty or dangerous or untrustworthy.
• They may punish you for minor workplace infractions that other people get away with.
• People may require you to prove things that other people aren’t required to prove.
• They may imply that your presence opens the floodgates to legal problems or controversy, casting you as a threat or potential adversary.
• They may undermine your reputation by characterizing you as unreliable, difficult to work with, or requiring a lot of supervision.

Direct threats, stalking, and safety risks

• People may refuse to work with you or try to get you fired.
• They may wait outside of work for you or stalk you.
• They may threaten or menace you or physically hurt you.

Administrative and structural disadvantages

• Your employer may require you to spend an enormous amount of time on gender-related paperwork and meetings.
• Your employer may insist you take on the burden of educating your co-workers about gender stuff. They may also use up your work time with DEI initiatives.
• Your company may waffle in its commitment to DEI, leaving you unsure about where you stand and whether they have your back.

The law versus reality

In Canada, people who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer are protected at work by human rights laws and by employment law. Those laws say workplaces have to be free of harassment and discrimination, and that employers are supposed to have clear policies and take complaints seriously.

But in practice, harassment and discrimination are common, and employers often don’t do much about it.

When a person who is trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer gets harassed at work, it’s really common for bosses to chalk it up to a personality conflict or people “bringing politics into work.” They may feel like it’s none of their business, and/or a headache they just don’t want to deal with.

Here are some ways bosses sometimes react:

• They see the harassment and ignore it.
• They think it doesn’t matter.
• They see it as a personal problem you’re having, rather than as a legal and human rights issue.
• The whole subject makes them uncomfortable.
• They make excuses for the people doing the harassment.
• They sympathize with you but don’t do anything to help.
• They try to help, but they’re ineffective.
• They overreact in a clumsy way, making things worse.
• They send the whole thing to HR instead of even trying to handle it.

This doesn’t mean reporting harassment is never worth it. It might be. You are in the best position to know whether your boss and workplace might handle it well.

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Transitioning at work: when it goes well versus when it doesn’t

Coming out at work can be an affirming experience or a nightmare. It depends on your workplace, your boss, and your co-workers.

For some people, transitioning on the job goes great.

I posted a message telling everyone all at once, I said I was open to questions within reason, that I understood it might take people a bit of time to adjust and that was ok. 99.9% of people were amazing and that tiny 0.1% was put in their place by everyone else before I even had a chance to.

Kai_2885. Comment on “How to transition in the workplace?” Reddit, r/FTMMen

HR was very supportive and let me know what could be changed without a legal name change and kept me in control about who was told and when and asked if I wanted to be the person who told others or not. It took about a week for IT to change everything and I asked HR to tell my supervisors once that was complete. Since then everything’s been super smooth.

In_pure_shadow. Comment on “How did you all come out at work.” Reddit, r/asktransgender

At one of my first monthly onboarding meetings with my manager, I opened up to him about being nonbinary and using they/them pronouns at home and among friends, and I asked if he thought it would be appropriate or ok to ask folks to use my pronouns at work. He was on board with it, and happy to support me!

Bikedaybaby. Comment on “I’m an engineer, they/them pronouns, been out at work for almost a year and a half. AMA!.” Reddit, r/NonBinary.

When a workplace has good policies and people who care about getting things right, transitioning can be a largely positive experience.

But others are met with resistance.

On bad days I’ve had people tell me to my face that I’m not a ‘he’, curl their lip at my pronoun pin, avoid looking at me or talking to me when I walk into a room, and even once (so far) had a coworker ask me if I still had ‘girl parts.’ Basically, it’s difficult.

Nyctala-acadica. Comment on “What is your experience like being trans in the workplace?” Reddit, r/asktransgender.  

“I got too exhausted by it and stopped correcting people which led to a lot of folks at my company thinking I was cishet. That didn’t feel great, but I didn’t have the energy or confidence to do otherwise.”

No_Main_227. Comment on “Out at your job.” Reddit, r/NonBinary.

I lost a 30+ year career. I thought, ‘Well, I have a degree, I have plenty of experience, so there shouldn’t be an issue finding another job.’ Well, needless to say, that wasn’t the case. I went from a six-figure executive position to an hourly retail job and landscaping.

HauntingComedian1152. Comment on “Have any of you had a hard time finding or maintaining a job since coming out as Trans?” Reddit, r/MtF.

For some people, the whole idea of transitioning at work is a nonstarter. Unfortunately, lots of people who are trans, nonbinary, or gender-queer find they need to hide parts of their identity at work, to avoid harassment.

If they know I’m trans they’ll be more willing to fire me over small things/more willing to drop me like a fly. It’s sad but it’s true.

HomocidalTaco. Comment on “Does anyone have tips for staying stealth at work.” Reddit, r/ftm. 

I came out at work at my last job and got harassed and threatened until I resigned.

Misha099. Comment on “Out at Work?” Reddit, r/NonBinary.

I’d rather have a job where I have to stay closeted than have no job at all.

Mountain_Analysis_85. Comment on “should i just stay closeted at work.” Reddit, r/transgenderUK.

I genuinely like my job. The thought of losing it terrifies me, especially the accompanying fear of having to job hunt as a transwoman. 😕

ScreamQueenStacy. Comment on “Have any of you had a hard time finding or maintaining a job since coming out as Trans?” Reddit,  r/MtF.

If you’re transitioning at work, here are some things that can help:

• Talk to HR or a manager you trust—if you feel safe doing so.
• Find allies—having even one supportive co-worker can make a difference.
• Document interactions—if things go badly, having a record of events may help.
• Consider your exit plan—if your workplace is hostile, looking for a new job, or even a whole new career, might be the best move.

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How to protect yourself at work

The first thing you can do is try to find a job where you won’t get treated badly.

Here are some strategies people try:

• Look for jobs at workplaces that do queer-focused work, where most people will be queer.
• Stay away from majority-male industries, especially if you’re a trans woman.
• Seek a job where the boss or owners are queer or queer-friendly.
• Pick a (relatively) queer-friendly industry like media and entertainment, fashion, higher education, nonprofits, and progressive tech companies.
• Take a job where there is already one or more out trans or nonbinary people.
• Ask friends for referrals to employers they know are queer-friendly.

Other things you can do:

• Keep a written record. If you experience harassment, write down the date, what happened, and who was there. Screenshots and emails can also be useful.
• Set firm boundaries. If someone asks inappropriate questions, it’s okay to shut them down: “That’s personal, and I don’t discuss that at work.”
• Know your workplace policies. If there’s an anti-harassment policy, knowing the process for reporting can be useful—even if you don’t necessarily plan to report.
• Connect with outside support. Groups like Pride at Work Canada can help you understand your rights and connect with other trans and nonbinary workers.
• Find ways to take care of yourself. Workplace harassment takes a toll. Whether it’s therapy, talking to a trusted friend, or just stepping outside for fresh air, prioritizing your well-being is just as important as dealing with the problem.

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Workplaces are changing, but not fast enough. And progress isn’t always linear: sometimes we go backward.

If you’re dealing with workplace harassment, know this: It’s not your fault. You deserve respect, you deserve safety, and you deserve a workplace where you can just do your job without dealing with other people’s baggage. Until that’s a given in every workplace, knowing your rights and having a plan can help. Good luck.

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