What is the personal care industry and why are people in it more likely to be harassed?

The personal care industry provides services for individual people, often in their homes or in a private space like a clinic or salon. It can involve caring directly for a person, or for their property. It includes a wide range of types of work. 

Here are some jobs that typically fall into this sector: 

  • personal support worker (PSW)
  • home health aide 
  • caregiver for the elderly
  • physical or occupational therapist
  • house cleaner
  • nanny or babysitter 
  • massage therapist
  • personal trainer
  • esthetician
  • hairdresser
  • nail technician
  • tutor or music teacher
  • gardener or landscaper
  • personal chef
  • social worker
  • pet groomer or dog walker
  • interior designer or home organizer
  • catering staff
  • sex worker

There’s a lot of harassment in the personal care industry because the work involves close contact with other people and their private possessions, in ways that are often physical or intimate. You are often alone with your clients. And you’re often in their home.

What sexual harassment looks like in the personal care industry

The personal care industry usually involves working alone with clients, often in close physical proximity, sometimes for long periods of time. It’s usually important for you to have a friendly relationship with the client—because the work can be tip-based, because it would be easy for them to switch providers or complain about you, or just because you need them to cooperate so you can do your job. It’s also a situation in which you are at work, but your client is not.

This can lead to an environment in which personal and professional boundaries get blurred, sometimes in ways that are really unpleasant. 

Here’s what that can look like in practice: 

Sexualized comments and conversation

  • Your client may hit on you, inviting you out or sexually propositioning you.
  • They may compliment you a lot, especially your looks or your body.
  • They may sexualize your work-related proximity. “You smell amazing.” “You have such soft hands.”
  • They may deliberately push boundaries by talking a lot about sex or asking you about your sex life. They may test out sexual topics under the guise of humour to see if you’ll tolerate escalation.
  • They may make jokes about paying extra for extra services or being willing to tip a lot.

Physical boundary violations

  • Your client may move a limb, turn their head, or otherwise change position to touch you “accidentally” while you’re working.
  • They may refuse to follow draping or coverage norms, pushing away towels or sheets, leaving clothing open, or otherwise forcing more exposure than is necessary.
  • They may request sex-adjacent services that aren’t on the menu, like intimate grooming.
  • They may use their physical size or positioning to block your exit by standing between you and the door or otherwise making leaving awkward or impossible.
  • They may offer to “help” you with tools or positioning in a way that creates unnecessary physical contact.
  • They may ask you to inspect an intimate body area under the guise of having a health or medical concern.

Manipulation, coercion, and grooming

  • They may remind you how much they tip or how often they book, in a way that implies they want you to tolerate behaviour you don’t like.
  • They may deliberately book services when the workspace is otherwise empty (very early or very late).
  • They may treat you like their confidant or “the only one who understands me” to create a sense of intimacy.
  • They may encourage you to share “confessions” about past bad behaviour—like drug use, cheating, or stealing—as a way to create an atmosphere where breaking the rules feels normal.
  • They may claim illness, injury, or emotional crisis to justify inappropriate physical contact or special exceptions.
  • They may give you gifts that suggest an intimate or sugar daddy type relationship, or deliberately display wealth to show what they could offer you…
  • They may try to give you alcohol or drugs

Intimidation, crowding, and third-party involvement

  • They may arrive intoxicated.
  • They may loom over you or corner or crowd you.
  • They may bring friends, family, or romantic partners to watch or comment, making the space feel sexualized or unsafe.
  • They may demand an additional provider as well as you, often in a sexualized or fetishizing way.
  • They may use the presence of their friends to create an atmosphere where refusing them feels riskier.

Intrusion into private life and emotional overreach

  • They may try to get your personal phone number, social media, or home address.
  • They may approach you in public spaces outside work, behaving as though your relationship is social.
  • If you’re gender-nonnormative, they may try to get you to educate them about gender stuff, which might include asking you overly personal questions.
  • They may invite you to stay after work or treat your work time together like it’s social.
  • They may simply take up too much of your time, wanting to chat rather than letting you work.
  • They may want to talk a lot about personal problems, such as loneliness or relationship difficulties.
  • They may treat you like you’re their romantic partner and expect you to be emotionally invested beyond what’s appropriate.

Retaliation and reputation damage

  • They may get upset or angry when you push back and set boundaries.
  • They may leave bad online reviews, make negative comments in the community, or try to harm your reputation.
  • They may photograph or record you or the service without your agreement and share or threaten to share the images.

Sometimes what happens is clearly sexual harassment. But most of the time it’s more blurry. Often, it exists in a fuzzy space where the person’s intent isn’t clear, and you find yourself wondering if they are just being clueless or awkward. 

Their intent does matter, because if someone is just clueless, it’s less likely that they will cause you serious harm. But the impact on you can still be bad: uncomfortable, unpleasant, or damaging to your career. And some predatory people pretend to be clueless to avoid consequences. 

In this article, we’ll tell you how to protect yourself, regardless of the intent of the person who’s harassing you. 

How to make it less likely you’ll be harassed

Before diving in here, we want to make it clear that it’s not your responsibility to take special steps to make sure you don’t get harassed. If you get harassed, the fault lies 100% with the person harassing you, not with you. 

That said, here are some steps you can take to make harassment less likely. 

  • Wear a uniform. This could be scrubs or a white jacket, anything with a work logo on it, or even anything reminiscent of a work uniform, like a plain polo shirt and khakis. The point is to have a constant subtle reminder that you’re there to do a job.
  • Wear a fake wedding ring. For some people, the only legitimate reason for you to be unavailable is if you’re already in a relationship. The easiest way to signal that is by wearing a wedding ring. It’s stupid, but it can help.
  • Mention other clients. This can serve as a reminder that your relationship is professional, not personal.
  • Redirect personal conversations back to work. If a conversation starts feeling too personal, redirect back to work. There are some scripts for that further down.
  • Keep your communications on work platforms. If you can avoid it, don’t give a client your personal cell number. If they ask for your social media, give them your employer’s account. Make sure they never learn your home address.
  • Never confide in your client. Never talk with a client about problems you’re having, especially relationship problems, money problems, or problems with your employer. Never talk about anything illegal you’ve done. Never talk about your sexual activities. Predators push for personal confessions to create false intimacy, making you feel emotionally enmeshed while gathering information they can later use to manipulate, coerce, or blackmail you.
  • Talk openly about what’s normal and best when it comes to professional boundaries. Fuzzy client/provider boundaries are a very normal problem. Talking openly about “best practices” (like why you don’t give out personal contact information) depersonalizes it and positions you as an expert, which may encourage the client to respect your professional judgment and boundaries. 
  • Make and share personal policies for how to behave. When you need to establish or defend professional boundaries, characterize it to your client as a “personal rule.” There are some scripts for this later, too. This makes the interaction less about them specifically (which means they’ll be less likely to get defensive or angry), and also supports the idea that you are the expert on this. 
  • When your employer has a rule, feel free to share it. If your employer prohibits you from seeing clients outside the work context, or has similar rules, feel free to share them with your client. This can serve as a reminder that your relationship is a professional one, and also that you have an employer backing you up. 
  • If you’re unusually vulnerable, hide that from your client. Try to create the impression that you’re a person with a large, caring family and friend group. If you’re estranged from family or have no family nearby, keep that to yourself. You want to create the impression that it’s not safe to target you, because there are people and resources on your side.
  • Never drink alcohol or do drugs with clients. 

How to get back on track when boundaries are getting blurred

Even if you do absolutely everything right, you can still end up with boundaries uncomfortably blurred. Here’s what you can do if you’re feeling like things are going in a direction that’s too personal.

  • Create some kind of break or interruption. This could be as small as cancelling one or two appointments. The goal here is to interrupt what’s happening, to give the relationship a chance to reset.
  • When you come back from the break, use it as a blank slate to establish a professional tone. Use the tips above. Reduce personal conversations, maintain physical distance, redirect conversations to work where necessary. 

If this doesn’t work, your next step is probably a direct conversation. 

Here’s where the scripts come in. 

Everybody’s personal style is different, and you definitely should not feel like you need to behave like a person you’re not. Find what works for you and ignore everything else.

If your client is expressing loneliness or talking extensively about personal or relationship problems: 

I really enjoy our time together, but I feel like I’m out of my depth when it comes to providing personal support. I think you might be better off to talk with a trained professional or even a close friend.

or 

I’ve got a lot going on in my personal life right now. So I am going to need to scale back the conversations we’ve been having—even though I enjoy them!—so I can put my energy where it needs to be.

or

I need you to stop talking with me about personal things. I’m not trained to have these kinds of conversations. It would be irresponsible for me to stray past the work I am here to do.

If your client is making inappropriate sexual or teasing/flattering comments: 

I know you don’t want to make me uncomfortable, and neither of us would want your partner to be uncomfortable either. So we are gonna need to scale things back. You are super-charming but it’s been getting a little too personal. Haha.

or 

I enjoy working with you, but things have been getting kind of spicy, which honestly feels inappropriate. I have a general workplace rule, which is that I try to keep things focused on the task at hand. I’d appreciate if you could help me live up to that.

or

Wow, I am going to need to ask you to save that kind of conversation for your lady friends. That is just not what I am here to do.

If the client is crossing physical boundaries: 

I need you to stop touching me, right now. I need to ask you to give me space to do my work. If you can’t do that, I’m going to need to end this session.

or

Wow, you are getting kind of handsy today. That’s not okay! I need you to take one big step backward. Not just today, but in general. This is too much.

or

I am feeling a little crowded right now. I’m afraid I need to ask you to back up.


If the client is asking prying questions or trying to get you to talk about stuff that feels too personal: 

I’m flattered you’re interested in my personal life, but the truth is that stuff doesn’t really matter here. We’re not here to talk about my life, we’re here to focus on you.

or

I have a general rule that I don’t talk about my personal life with my clients. It’s not really what we’re here to do. I think we should keep focused on you and what we’re trying to accomplish here.

or

Wow, no offence, but generally I keep those kinds of personal conversations to my girlfriends, you know? You are more like my father, and he and I have never talked like that. Haha.

If the client is repeatedly asking you out or giving you presents: 

You are very generous and kind, and it’s nice to work with people you genuinely like and care about. But I am worried our relationship has been straying a little too far from the professional. I do like you. But I have a personal rule to not mix my personal life with my work life. In my experience that’s just better and safer for everybody. So I would like to ask you to stop inviting me places and stop offering me presents. I do sincerely appreciate you. But I just want us to walk things back a little bit.

or

Wow, thank you for this. It’s super-nice. But I’m afraid I can’t accept it. It feels a little bit too much like something romantic or intimate. I know you don’t mean it that way but still, I can’t accept something like this.

or

I have really been enjoying getting to know you. But I am 100% not going to date you or get personally involved. I never see clients outside of work. So I am going to need you to stop inviting me to things. It’s not personal. I like you. You’re one of my favourite clients. I am just never, ever gonna see you outside of work.

or 

I’m afraid I need to ask for a bit of a reset on our interactions. In this industry, it is totally normal for service providers to have friendly personal interactions with clients. But it is not normal for people to get too involved. That would be unprofessional and frankly inappropriate. So I am going to need you to stop asking me out. I would never socialize with a client or have any interactions outside of a work context.

If they make jokes about extra payment for sexual or personal services:

I love having you as a client but I need to ask you to stop making jokes about paying for extra services. I know it’s just a joke. I trust you. But in my field, sometimes clients do act like that is a real possibility, which makes it sensitive for people like me. I would really love if you could stop. Everything else about our interactions is great; it’s just that one thing that has been bothering me.

or 

I need you to please stop making that kind of joke. I’m a professional doing a job. I don’t like that kind of joke and I need you to please stop making it.

If they invite you to stay outside of work or treat your work time together like it’s social:

I appreciate it when you offer me coffee or a snack, but I really can’t pause my work for social time. I have a lot to do, and I need to make sure everything gets finished. I can’t do that if I’m pausing to chat.

or 

A couple of times you’ve invited me to stay after work to hang out. I appreciate it but I want to be up-front that that’s just not something I’m ever going to do. I keep work things separate from personal things. I hope you understand where I’m coming from.

or 

I’ve been enjoying our conversations, but I’ve also been feeling a little uneasy about the amount of time we’ve been spending talking. I want to make sure you are getting good value for your money. I think it makes sense for us to pull back a bit and focus more narrowly on the actual work. I hope that makes sense to you.

If they express inappropriately personal opinions or judgment about you: 

I feel like sometimes you say things about me that might be appropriate if you were my parent or grandparent, but don’t make as much sense for a professional relationship. I am younger so I can see why it happens. But it makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m a professional here to do a job. I think it would be great if we could both make an effort to keep that in mind. I hope that makes sense to you.

or 

Sometimes you say negative things about my [hair, gender presentation, clothes], and to be honest it hurts my feelings. It’s also not really any of your business. If my own dad said things like that to me, then he and I would have a real conversation about it. But you and I don’t have that kind of relationship. So I would like to ask you to stop expressing that kind of judgment to me, and if you don’t, I may need to bring it up to my supervisor and have her speak with you. I hope you understand.

or 

I’m afraid I need to ask you to please stop commenting on my appearance. It’s inappropriate and it’s gone too far, and I really need you to stop. Even though we are in your house, this is my workplace and we need to maintain a basic level of professionalism.

If they treat you like you’re their partner:

Wow, sometimes I really get this vibe from you like I am your wife, you know what I mean? Haha. I am happy to do whatever’s helpful but I feel like I should be clear: It’s not really my job to help you think through a work problem or pick new furniture, you know? That’s not the service you’re paying me for. Haha.

or 

The other day, one of my clients told me he thinks of me like I’m his wife. That made me really uncomfortable and I decided that I needed to speak with all my clients. So to be clear: I am very happy to support you in a broad range of ways. But this is a professional working relationship, not a personal one, and I think it’s best if everybody is super-clear about that. I know you are, and so we don’t need to spend a lot of time talking about this—this is just something that I felt I needed to say.

or

Sometimes I get a feeling from you that you are treating me like I’m your wife or intimate partner. I am probably totally imagining that! But it made me feel like we should just agree on the basics here. I’m here to do a job, you’re my client, it’s a professional relationship. I know we both know that.

If they deliberately expose themselves or leave out sex toys or porn: 

I need to be crystal clear with you. What happened today cannot happen again. If it does, I will terminate you as my client.

or 

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the other day when I was here, you had left extremely personal objects in a place where they were visible to me while I did my work. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. But still, yikes. I don’t want to talk about this. But I do need you to know that if it ever happens again, it will be the last time I work for you. I hope that makes sense to you.

If you’re dealing with workplace harassment, know this: It’s not your fault. You deserve respect, you deserve safety, and you deserve a workplace where you can do your job without being distracted or hassled. Until that’s a given in every workplace, knowing your rights and having a plan can help. Good luck.