# How (and why) to build a support network > URL: https://www.aftermetoo.com/article/build-a-support-network/ > Language: en > Description: Support from other people really helps. Pick people who listen without taking over, be careful who you tell at work, and don't overlook hotlines. --- We can’t say this enough. Seriously, we can’t. You need to build a support network to help you get through this. When people look back years later, they all say the same thing: their support network was the thing that helped them the most. ## **Talk with people you can trust** to listen and support you Why? It will help you emotionally process what’s happening. Sexual harassment can seriously mess you up. It helps to talk with other people. But here’s something that may surprise you. Experts say the best people to talk with aren’t necessarily the ones you’re closest with. What you’re looking for is someone to listen to you and sympathize with you. Sometimes, the people you’re closest to can’t do that. They might get mad or be overprotective. They might tell you what to do, or insist they’re going to do something. They might have strong opinions, and they might be wrong. Experts say it’s best to talk with people who will listen sympathetically and let you make your own decisions. ## **Don’t talk with people at work** (at least, not right away) Why not? People at your work can be an important source of solidarity and information. They can also act as witnesses, if you end up reporting. But experts say it makes sense to wait a little before talking with your co-workers. There are a couple of reasons why: - If you tell someone at work what’s happening to you, they might report it and trigger a formal investigation. Even a co-worker could do that. If you’re not sure you want an investigation, it makes sense to avoid triggering one by accident. - They may tell other people. That can lead to you being gossiped about and judged. You could end up getting labelled as “a problem” or “difficult to work with.” - They may side with the harasser and believe that you are misunderstanding or exaggerating what’s happening. Experts say that, before you risk talking with people who might react badly, it’s better to first spend some time thinking and talking with people you know will be sympathetic. ## **Find additional sources for support**, even if your family and friends are pretty solid You might be surprised to hear that experts say it’s a good idea to call a domestic violence hotline or a rape hotline or a mental health crisis line. That may seem like a strange suggestion, because what you’re experiencing isn’t domestic violence or rape, and you may not feel like you’re in crisis. You may feel like reaching out to that kind of support is overkill, and you’d be taking up services from people who need them more than you do. But the experts say it’s a good idea anyway. They say it makes sense for you to reach out to people who have been specially trained to provide support. To listen without judgment, to not gaslight or disbelieve you, and to connect you with other resources that might help. Or, you could find somewhere online to talk with people. There are lots of websites and online communities where people talk about their experiences of sexual harassment and get support from one another. For example, there are some pretty good forums on Reddit, like [the sexual harassment subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualHarassment/), [the subreddit offering support for survivors of sexual assault](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexualassault/), and the [rape subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/). Just be aware that most people on Reddit are Americans, and so any legal or HR advice they give you might not be true for Canada. Why should you seek out support from these places? Experts say that, if you look for advice and support only from your family and friends, that won’t necessarily go well for you. They can feel helpless and overwhelmed, and that can end up straining your relationship and adding more stress to your life. It’s better, experts say, to get advice and support from people who are voluntarily offering it, and especially from people who have personal experience or professional expertise. That’s what will help you the most. --- ## Article reviewers Aftermetoo articles are reviewed by members of the following panel of people and organizations. Not every member reviewed every article; regional articles were reviewed by lawyers in that jurisdiction. - Kathleen Avery, LLB, lawyer, Yukon Workers’ Safety and Compensation Board - Barbara Bergmann, JD, lawyer, Workplace Sexual Harassment Clinic/Yukon Legal Services Society - Meredith Brown, JD, lawyer, Calibrate - Stephen Carpenter, LLB, lawyer, Workers Compensation Board of PEI - Amber Chisholm, JD, associate director, Public Legal Education and Information Service of New Brunswick (PLEIS-NB) - Callandra Cochrane, JD, lawyer, Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic - Alexander Dezan, JD, legal counsel, Yukon Human Rights Commission - Sandra Guarascio, JD, lawyer, investigator, facilitator, Roper Greyell LLP Employment + Labour Lawyers - Andrea Gunraj, vice-president, public engagement, Canadian Women’s Foundation - Sara Hanson, JD, senior associate, Moore Edgar Lyster LLP - Noah Jacobs, BA, Public Legal Information Association of NL - Khurram Khurshid, LLB, research officer, New Brunswick Human Rights Commission - Raphaëlle Laframboise-Carignan, JD, lawyer, RavenLaw LLP - Kevin Love, JD, lawyer, Community Legal Assistance Society, BC - Sarah McCoubrey, BFA, JD, MEd, lawyer, Calibrate - Lesley McCullough, JD, founder and director, Workplace Sexual Harassment Legal Clinic, Yukon - Alison McEwen, JD, RavenLaw LLP - Garreth McGrath, JD, legal support navigator, Public Legal Information Association of NL - Sarah McHugh-Wade, BA, legal support navigator, the Journey Project - Sandra MacKenzie, JD, lawyer, Lawson Lundell LLP - Anna-Marie Manley, LLB, lawyer, Patterson Law - Deepa Mattoo, LLB, lawyer and executive director, Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic - Loretta Merritt, LLB, LLM, lawyer, Torkin Manes Barristers & Solicitors - Chetan Muram, JD, counsel, Toronto Workers’ Health and Safety Legal Clinic - Gobhina Nagarajah, JD, staff solicitor, Newfoundland and Labrador Human Rights Commission - Alex Norris, JD, associate, Carbert Waite LLP - Anita Nowinka, BSc, JD, associate, Carbert Waite LLP - Kim Nutz, JD, Sunstone Legal in association with West Legal - Kevin O’Shea, JD, executive director, Public Legal Information Association of NL - Coral Rajchgot, LLB, JD, former intern, Aftermetoo - Carley Reynolds, BA, criminology; JD, counsel, Donich Law - Lucie Roubin, avocate, Juripop - Ginette Savoie, director, Workers’ Advocate, Government of New Brunswick - Paméla Schiavoni, JD, lawyer, New Brunswick Human Rights Commission - Mary Shortall, president, Newfoundland and Labrador Federation of Labour - Morgan Sim, JD, MA, international relations, lawyer, Parker Sim LLP - Cécile Simon, JD, avocate-conseillère, Juripop, Bureau du respect de la personne - Michelle Squires, JD, project manager, Canadian Mental Health Association, York Region - Dayna Steinfeld, LLB, JD, Winnipeg lead lawyer, RavenLaw LLP - Keir Vallance, JD, lawyer, Bainbridge Jodouin Cheecham Barristers & Solicitors - Sherri Walsh, JD, managing partner, Hill Sokalski Walsh LLP - Madeleine Werker, JD, associate, Grosman Gale Fletcher Hopkins LLP - Canadian Labour Congress - The Help and Information Center on Workplace Harassment (GAIHST) - Newfoundland and Labrador Human Rights Commission